


tricks and treats

by meggsy



Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Background Relationships, Ensemble Cast, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 21:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16462865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggsy/pseuds/meggsy
Summary: What's more in the spirit of Halloween than a candy corn eating contest?Featuring poor choices made by both Dragon's Watch and Destiny's Edge.





	tricks and treats

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween everyone! Have some absurd little friendship fic. 
> 
> Featuring a sylvari commander, but they're almost entirely a blank slate. It was really just for a single gag, if I'm being honest.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

As usual with this kind of thing, it’s hard to say how it all started. You think it might have been Braham, but it’s not like it matters at this point. Events have been set into motion and all you can do is go along with things and hope they don’t end too badly. And for now, going along with things involves staring regretfully at the enormous mountain of candy corn that Taimi and Scruffy are methodically separating out into equally sized piles.

Trying to keep the whine out of your voice, you say, “I still don’t get why I don’t have a partner.”

“Blame Canach,” Marjory says easily, shoulder-to-shoulder with Kasmeer and watching Scruffy’s work with careful eyes. “He’d be yours, if he wasn’t out placing bets at the raceway.”

Groaning, you drop your head into your hands, mumbling into your palms. It’s not very complimentary to Canach, but then again it’s not like he’s here to hear it.

“Just do it without a partner,” Braham says. “Me and Rox don’t have one.”

Rox clears her throat. “Actually,” she corrects, “I’ll be partnering up with Frostbite.” The devourer gives a skree and a series of delighted clicks at the acknowledgement.

Personally, you feel like that’s rather unfair; everyone remembers what happened at Meatoberfest. Rox certainly doesn’t need a partner to win an eating contest.

Braham just shrugs. “Well, I don’t have one. And I don’t need one.” He gives you a smug look. “What, you’re telling me the Commander can’t handle a little candy?”

“A little?” you ask incredulously, waving a hand at Taimi and Scruffy who are _still sorting the piles, by the Pale Tree._ “Look at that! That’s not ‘a little’ candy corn!”

“Yeah well, whose fault is that?” Taimi huffs, planting her hands on her hips. “You’re the one who brought it all back.”

Kasmeer makes a contemplative sound. “She’s right you know.” Ignoring Taimi’s mutter of, “I’m always right,” she continues, “Why’d you gather this much anyway?”

You let your head fall back to your hands. It’s- it’s embarrassing, okay? 

“Hmmm?” Like a shark sensing blood, there’s Marjory trying to tease the story out of you. You know she’s not giving up until she gets it. “What was that, boss?”

“There was a skeleton, okay!” You throw your hands up in the air. “It was very large, and it came out of nowhere, and it had a chainsaw. And then it started chasing me! I thought I’d gotten away and I was looking for the door to go back to Lion’s Arch and then it appeared out of the walls, again! It chased me around the labyrinth for _hours!_ I had to kill so many things to get out, that _that_ -” You helplessly point at the piles. “That all just started to build up, and I couldn’t stop to try and sort things out because it was still chasing me!”

It’s silent in your little group for a while. The only sound is the background noise of festivities and rowdy drinking as your face starts glowing blue out of embarrassment.

Thankfully for your pride, Taimi’s the first to speak. “A skeleton,” she says, skeptically. “That came out the wall. With a chainsaw.”

“Yes! And I’ll have you know that it’s very distressing to have someone chase you down with a chainsaw when you’re basically a tree. I thought I was going to _die._ ”

That is, apparently, the last straw. Rox’s snickers turn into a full laugh, Kasmeer helplessly turns her head into Marjory’s shoulder as the giggles overtake her, and Braham is all but bent over in half roaring with laughter. You pout, again. You feel like it’s justified.

“You’re all awful,” you say, giving them your best glare.

Taimi’s probably the only one not laughing, but she’s got that sneaky glint in her eye that makes you think she’s going to be keeping this as blackmail for the next time she tries to cajole her way onto the next dangerous adventure you’re all going on. 

“Oookay, well, Scruffy and I are all done with the candy, so everyone, collect your piles! Scruffy, you got the timer ready?”

The golem lets out a click and two thumbs up in response, a panel on its chest opening up to reveal a flat panel of blue holographic light. 0:00, it reads.

You stare despondently at the pile that Rox shuffled in your direction. It’s intimidatingly tall.

“The rules,” Taimi says imperiously, in her best imitation of Councillor Phlunt, ”are simple. Whoever finishes their pile first, wins. And whoever doesn’t, is a loser. Don’t be a loser.” She looks around the assembled group. Rox and Frostbite, lounging. Braham, leaning forward and ready. Marjory and Kasmeer, not looking particularly concerned. And then, you. 

“On your mark. Get set… EAT!”

* * *

And, as usual with this kind of thing, it ends badly for you.

“I… hate… everything,” you moan, face pressed to the ground. You’re lying partially on your side, partially flopped over with an arm around your stomach like it’ll soothe the ache. It doesn’t, not really.

There’s a round of open snickering. Rox, Marjory, even Kasmeer lets out a little snort, and of course there’s Taimi cackling away. The one absent voice is Braham, which is easily explained by the fact that he’s in very much the same state as you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Marjory says. Squinting up at her, you catch a glimpse of her leisurely popping another piece of candy in her mouth, like she and Kasmeer were doing through the whole competition. Even that gets your stomach roiling with discontent, so you just let out another groan and continue attempting to become one with the ground. 

“You really didn’t have to go all in like that,” says Rox, mildly. She’d won, of course. The whole pile gone, and she didn’t sound the slightest bit sick. It really was unfair.

“I had… to _win_ ,” says Braham. It would’ve sounded impressive, if he didn’t immediately follow that up with a queasy-sounding belch. And, you know. If he had actually won. 

A new set of footsteps approaches. The obnoxious whistling that accompanies it lets you easily identify their owner. Mentally, you send him every curse you can think of. The Blood Legion curses that Rytlock taught you. The ones that the havrouns taught you eight kegs into the moot after another Great Hunt. The ones you actually have to bribe Taimi not to say in front of Councillor Phlunt because it’s not like you want to deal with him when he gets all offended and huffy either. 

“I leave you lot for ten minutes, and two of you end up on the ground?” Canach says, sounding incredibly unimpressed.

“Shame on you, Canach. You could’ve saved the Commander from this,” Marjory says. “Did you at least win anything?”

“Twenty gold, I’ll have you know.” The statement is accompanied by the jingling of a coin pouch. “They weren’t particularly high stakes.” 

Taimi shuffles over to you and Braham as Marjory and Canach continue sniping at one another, giving you cheeky grins. Scruffy is off in the background consolidating the leftover candy. There’s still a sizeable portion left--you hadn’t even gotten through half of your own pile. “You know what I just thought of?”

“Hmm?” Rox asks.

You know that tone of voice from Taimi. You struggle to sit up. It doesn’t feel good, but you manage despite your protesting stomach. Braham does the same. 

“First of all, that.” Taimi points towards you and Braham. You’d probably feel a bit offended, if you weren’t acutely aware of how pathetic a picture you actually paint right now. “That’s funny. And it’s just the Commander, and Braham.”

Rox’s tail gives an amused flick. And you swear that Frostbite is doing the same. You can see it in his beady little smug eyes. Being looked down on by a devourer. Your life really is going places. 

“Go on,” Rox says.

“What if--hear me out. We grab all this candy corn. And then we go find Rytlock. And Marshall Thackeray.” She’s rubbing her hands together, grinning. “Come on, can’t you just imagine it? They’d be way worse than these two! That’d be hilarious!”

Despite himself, Braham lets out a snort.

“Am I right, or am I right?” She nudges you with her elbow. “Come on, Commander, you gotta think that’s at least a little funny, right?”

Well. You have to admit, yeah, you kinda do.

Taimi can see right through you, apparently. Triumphantly, she rocks back on her heels. “Okay, so Scruffy-”

A pleased shriek emerges from nowhere. Scruffy narrowly misses being tackled by a streak of pale blue as Aurene dives into the gathered pile. You can feel her absolute delight through your link, though in her excitement she sends you a mental image of leaping, face-first, into a pile of candy corn. 

You hide a whimper.

* * *

Mercifully, the torture only lasts a few minutes. Before long, Aurene is yawning as she curls up on the ground, tail tapping contentedly on the bricks below. The pile of candy is nowhere to be seen, no match for a growing dragon’s appetite.

Taimi’s ears actually droop. 

“Aww.” 

She gives Scruffy a sad glance. 

“I guess that’s that. It was gonna be so good.” 

A sigh. And a pointed pause after each sentence. 

“If _only_ we had more candy corn. Then we could put our plan into motion. _Right Scruffy?_ ” 

Scruffy lets out a high-pitched whine. It almost sounds plaintive. 

You sigh, dragging a hand down your face. “You’re not subtle, Taimi.” Pushing yourself to your feet, you continue, “Fine, I’ll go get more candy corn.”

You pretend not to notice her high-fiving Scruffy, and turn in the direction of the Labyrinth door. The door… to the Labyrinth… where the… skeleton… still is…

Before you can talk yourself out of it again, a thick heavy arm lands across your shoulders. It nearly folds you in two.

“Don’t worry boss,” Braham says loudly, just over the top of your head. “I’ll keep you safe from any big mean skeletons with chainsaws. You’re not getting turned into lumber on my watch.”

Taimi snickers.

“...Thanks, Braham.” 

For a moment, you wonder if you can get away with stamping on his foot as hard as you can manage--and whether that’d actually do anything at all--before another, better idea occurs to you. Smiling as sweet as you can, you turn to look at him. “And I’ll make sure to keep you safe from all the hordes of spiders in the Labyrinth, okay?”

In the silence that follows, it’s no difficult task to slip out from under Braham’s arm and start making your way across the Lion’s Arch square. Just as you approach the door and lay your hand on the doorknob, you hear him say, “There’s- there’s not really any spiders in there, right? You weren’t serious, were you? ...Commander? You were kidding, _right?_ ”

* * *

* * *

Rytlock and Logan are staring each other down over a pile of confectionaries stacked so high on Logan’s desk it almost actually forms a barricade between them. 

Zojja takes one look at the patently absurd scene before her, and then gives Caithe a Look. The sylvari stands in the doorway to Logan’s office, leaning against the wooden frame looking entirely too pleased that she’s managed to wrangle all of them in one place.

“You said this was important,” Zojja says.

“Well,” Caithe says, shrugging as though it hides her obvious amusement, “they do seem quite bothered by this. I thought you might, ah, be able to lend your expertise to such a situation.”

She’ll regret asking this, but, “And what is the situation, exactly?”

“Well, they’re currently having a disagreement about which one of them can eat the most candy corn.” Oh, Caithe is not even bothering to hide the laughter in her eyes. For their part, Logan and Rytlock are utterly oblivious to anything that isn’t each other. “You certainly have more of a mind for calculation and estimation than I. Which of them would you say is more likely to win?”

“This is infantile. It’s a pointless waste of my time.” Caithe is still smiling in that infuriating way of hers--she knows, just as well as Zojja knows, that Zojja was doing absolutely nothing of value when Caithe had appeared and asked for her help. “Oh, fine! Rytlock, obviously. Based on size alone, he’s obviously got a bigger stomach capacity than Logan.”

“Hah!” Rytlock crows, the first indication that either he or Logan haven’t actually gone and turned into statues. “Hear that, Logan?”

Caithe hums. “Well, I suppose that is true. But it would be rather sad if Logan had nobody in his corner.” She glances at her nails with faux-casualness. “Care to make it a wager? Thirty gold on the outcome, perhaps?”

...Damn Caithe, but most of all damn Zojja’s little gambling habit.

“Fifty.” Caithe’s lips twitch in triumph. “And loser’s buying the first round of drinks.”

“Excellent. Well then, Logan, Rytlock? Are you both ready?”

“Prepare to lose your money, Zojja,” Logan says tersely. He and Rytlock both shift forward in their seats.

“Heh, tough words. Think you can back that up?” Rytlock says, sneering.

Over _candy._

At some unspoken signal, Logan and Rytlock begin shoveling candy into their mouths at the same moment. Zojja runs a palm down her face. She thinks she can hear the two of them attempt to trash-talk each other with their mouths still full of candy, and Caithe’s soft chuckling beside her.

“Idiots,” Zojja says, irrationally and utterly fond. “You’re all _idiots._ ”


End file.
